Untamed Heart

Wild and reckless. ….. I ran free….. like a wildfire. … burning…. unpredictable. …. and could change my path in a moment just by the direction of the wind. Many who came across my path felt my wildness and wanted to run with me…… many couldn’t keep up….others, like hunters….. lured me….. and tried to  cage me….. capture  my essence. …my wildness. …. free spirit….. and keep it to themselves …..like something precious they’ve found and want to hide it away so no one else can take it from them. Many I escaped and left ravaged. … on their knees begging not to leave…… I am a fucking storm….. cage me and I will only get stronger and blow the top off and leave you in shambles. ….. rubble. …of the walls you tried to build around me.

I wasn’t put here to be captured and caged……. I was put here to set ablaze every heart I come across…… and bring it alive…..not to awaken greed, jealousy and control……. possessiveness. ……

I …. such a wild heart….. wild spirit….. I never stayed in one place long enough to grow roots….. no….. that was too permanent for me……. I never let anyone get too close that it could destroy me….never….. I loved….. yes…. gave….gave parts of me….. but only certain…… I never handed someone all of me…… and I never let anyone fully in……. never let myself experience the love….. full irrational,  ravaging love , people speak of……. no……. that, to me, was a bigger storm than I …….. and I like a tornado …… sucked in my surroundings ……causing destruction  and gaining strength. ……. always having the upper hand. …… until…….

I made a great mistake. ….. and went down the wrong path……. and ran into another tornado. ….. intertwining and collapsing. …… I let another suck the wind right out of me…… and ground me……. but not in a healthy way……. it was like I was bottled ……. suffocated. …….. I had lost my wildness….. my strength. ….. my free spirit…… I had grown so weak I thought I would die…… until, the one who ” bottled ” me , had shaken me ……. thrown me……shattered my vessel that I was kept in…….

I was set free ……

now….. changed….. meek…… weary….. untrusting and hyper vigilant to anyone who comes too close….. I feel as if I’m nothing but a dust devil…….. but, every once in a while I feel little sparks inside me….. like bolts of lightning and the rumble of Thunder. ….. I am transmuting …… a derecho ….. redeveloping. …..reaching the earth’s surface….. I feel my healing…… my calling…… my strength. ….. I spread myself along the horizon. …. ready to gain momentum. …..

until….

I suddenly notice something intriguing. ….beautiful. ….different. ……I watch and study for a while….. what is this beauty in front of me ?  I go and test it’s surroundings…… it’s a man ….. a MAN. ….. different than any I’ve ever encountered …… he’s strong….. an unfamiliar strength and gentleness in one being …… calm…. and wise…….. me…… a storm…. sometimes uncontrollable. ….. I send out gusts of myself ……. and he never moves ….. never falters. ….. who is this man ?  I draw back in my storm and at times cowering back into myself……. I’ve never come across someone on the same level as I or higher, that has intrigued me as much as he has……..

You terrify me, cause you’re a man, you’re not a boy. You’ve got some power and I can’t treat you like a toy. You’re the road less traveled by a little girl. You disregard the mess, while I try to control the world. Don’t leave me, stay here and frighten me. Don’t leave me, come on enlighten me………. challenge me, watch me squirm baby…… I want to play a fair game ….. I’ve always had the upper hand      ~ Sia

He is strong but calm and gentle. ….. that is foreign to me……. I let my guard down. …. I’m frightened. ….. I just want him to come closer…… let me feel you…..let me learn from you….. teach me what you know….. I want to let you in…… I know, no matter how strong my storm can get…… he won’t budge. … he knows how to calm me….. to draw me in, in such a beautiful – gentle way …… he doesn’t try to cage me….. he loves my wildness….. he recognizes the beauty in my free spirit and enjoys watching me dance on the horizon. …. this time no destruction. ….. only leaving the sky colored with the brightest hues, that have colored my heart since meeting him…… highlighting the sky with love…… my love for wildness….. freedom…..my love…….for him.

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